The Dark Side of Clean Eating

Guess what used to rock my lunch boxes at work? A homemade bento set – succulent grilled salmon sitting on a bed of fluffy brown rice and florets of broiled broccoli. I’m no MasterChef, but my lunch usually causes some serious FOMO.

As I stroll into the break room, Tupperware in hand, feeling proud of my holy grail of lunches, colleagues eye my lunch like it’s the last slice of pizza at the office party. The scent of my perfectly grilled salmon wafts unto their nostrils and I can practically see heads turning.

“Is that homemade?” someone asks, eyes filled with envy. You bet it is.

“That’s why Mabel’s so fit”, another bemoans while staring forlornly at their plate from the cafeteria: mushy white rice, a few strands of wilted string beans drowning in a pool of chilli oil, two small, shrivelled fried fishballs and a cold, soggy wing from an undernourished chicken.

But here’s the kicker – what helped me stay on track wasn’t eating the same exact thing every single day. Some days it was tender, spicy sous-vide chicken, other days quinoa and teriyaki stir-fry. The key is mixing it up and knowing how to mix it up. Variety, my friends, is the spice of (lunch) life.

Let’s rewind back in time when the concept of clean eating was still alien to me. I'd stand in the aisles of the supermarket, squinting at labels and wondering ‘Is this clean enough?’ and if my taste buds were about to embark on a journey of flavorless despair.

Clean eating for me, started as a confusing puzzle of calorie counting how much to eat and an eternal question of what the heck to form my meals with.

I’d spend hours contemplating whether quinoa was just a fancy version of rice and if buttered corn was a legit replacement for my beloved fries (‘ello McDonalds). Fast forward to today, my lunchbox tantalises my tastebuds and my meals practically assemble themselves in my mind (yes, even while eating out!) My journey wasn't instant. It took years of trial and error and a fair share of attempts at perfecting the art of fluffy quinoa.

Beyond Labels of 'Clean' or 'Junk' Foods

Let’s explore the pitfalls of reductionist, simplistic food labelling. Though the widely-accepted definition of ‘clean’ generally refers to whole foods, less processed and nutritious, there’s still a huge wriggle room for interpretation within each of these categories!  Beyond wondering where you can find a definite checklist of ‘clean foods’, sound nutritional understanding and the know-how to nourish your body intelligently underscores it all.

#1: Clean Eating Confusion: It's All Relative

#2: Health-Halo Effect: Clean = Calorie-Free?

#3: Monotony Madness: From Clean to Binge

#4: 'You Are What You Eat?’: Food and Self-Worth

#5: Clean Eating Rigidity: Eating in Chains

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#1: Clean Eating Confusion: It’s All Relative

The definition of 'clean eating' is akin to poetry analysis – open to interpretation (I used to decipher Shakespearean sonnets for a living before quitting the 9 to 5 grind). When I was 118kg, McDonald’s grilled chicken wrap was practically a trip the Organic grocery shop. Hotpot? It's a health food spa day, no?  Bring on the unlimited meat and veggies! Let’s not forget dumplings – because if there's some green bits of chives, it’s basically a salad, right? Clean eating differs from person to person, and therein lies the danger. ‘Clean eating’ for a keto enthusiast could mean bacon; though it does contain protein, vitamins and minerals, it’s also chockful of sodium, cholesterol and fat… all of which increases your risk of heart diseases. A vegan who swears by organic produce will frown upon any non-organic, or worse, meat produce. This reminds me of a post I saw on Reddit:

Yes, I’d love a serving of “aged organic milk over seasoned tomato puree spread on baked whole wheat” please.

When trying to define what it means to eat ‘clean’, you’re likely to get a whole slew of interpretations.

This depends on an individual's knowledge of nutrition, personal beliefs, cultural factors, and heck - even their economic situation. If I ever asked the Kardashians what their concept of ‘clean’ was, I’d be buying spending hundreds on Irish red sea moss for a daily dose of healthy food smoothie. And no, not everyone has the financial capability or willingness to hire a private chef to prepare meals from freshly sourced ingredients, from farm to table. 

Beyond semantics, without understanding the fundamentals of nutrition, you’re unlikely to get a clear sense of whether the food in question is right for YOU.

Are you trying to lose fat, gain muscle mass, feel more energized for the day or working on improving your relationship with food?

Your personal health and fitness goals matter the most, and ‘clean eating’ is too much of a blanket statement.  

#2: Health Halo Effect – Clean Food = Calorie-Free?

Ever felt that warm glow of righteousness when spooning organic almond butter onto your morning toast? In my early days of dieting for the sole person of weight loss, I was convinced that Adam’s Natural Peanut Butter  was the healthiest food I could spoon from a jar. Guess who finished a jar every two weeks? Introducing the ‘health halo effect’ – when you label a food as healthy or 'clean,' it triggers a psychological phenomenon that gives the food in question an angelic aura. You perceive it as more virtuous, and somehow, less calorific; a nutrient-packed delight that gives you free reign to dish out portions larger than recommended serving sizes.

The next thing you know you’re spooning up a day’s worth of calories than a small country's annual energy consumption in a single sitting.

In the overall scheme of fat loss, understanding the science behind calories and what it does for your body is the first step. ‘Clean’ foods might feel like a hall pass to indulge in magical, caloric-free meals, but losing weight consistently requires you to be in a negative energy balance. This means unless you’re powering a small nation, there’s no reason for you to consume such a huge energy surplus, no matter the quality of the food! Too much of a good thing does no good. Even the most organic and wholesome foods contain energy values which can affect your fat loss outcomes, catapulting you out of a calorie deficit (if that's your goal). Embrace all foods in moderation.

#3: Monotony Madness: From Clean to Binge

What’s the first food that comes to mind when I say ‘clean eating’? Give me a high five if you said ‘chicken breast’; that was me at the start of my fat loss journey. One of the greatest fear I had was being stuck in the dreaded Groundhog(or should I say chicken) Day of clean eating, where every meal feels like a rerun of yesterday’s boiled chicken breast. Without knowing the energy values of food, the impact that food quality has in fueling our bodies and lacking varied meal prepping skills, I subjected myself to the same menu of ‘clean’, lower calorie meals on a never-ending loop, day after day.

Obsession with eating clean and a lack of variety in meals led to a monotonous diet. Before I know it, the scent of freshly baked pizza hits your nose and I’m  polishing off an entire box of ‘aged organic milk tossed over seasoned tomato puree spread on baked whole wheat’, derailing my fat loss efforts.

We are all Kermit after derailing our diets (This 'diet starts tomorrow' cycle repeated itself a gazillion times)

Little did I know that monotonous diets can lead to increased cravings, decreased satisfaction, and a higher likelihood of succumbing to the temptations of the snack cupboard or a weekend binge. Pair this with a potent drop in leptin (‘satiety hormone’) and elevated ghrelin (‘hunger hormone’) after a prolonged period of dieting, my body physiologically rejected my definition of clean eating and tried to get me to replenish my depleted energy stores. Extreme dietary restrictions, often born out of the monotony of clean eating, can trigger an abstinence violation effect. To illustrate this, try telling yourself NOT to think about pink elephants – suddenly, all you can think about are pink elephants prancing around the room in pink tutu skirts and diamond-studded tiaras. This was me on my clean eating streak.

Sticking to an extremely rigid eating plan focused solely on ‘clean’ meals with no wriggle room for any of my usual treats, I found myself thinking of ‘forbidden’ foods all day long. I often found myself obsessively looking forward to a weekend binge, where I’d get to reward myself for all my self-discipline with an all-out indulgent ‘cheat day’. Free from chains of clean eating, I was like an industry-grade vacuum cleaner sucking up all the ultra-processed, high carb and fatty foods in sight.   Sadly, I was on this binge-restrict cycle one too many times throughout my journey.

I’ve now learnt to eat a diverse array of foods, without rigid rules, coupled with this deep knowledge of nutrition helped me along my 100lbs fat loss journey, easing my fears and anxieties about eating well and allowing me to adopt a strong, healthy and nourished lean lifestyle. The hard truth is that this can take years to master, along with multiple detours and false starts.

#4: 'You Are What You Eat?’: Food and Self-Worth

In my early days of dieting, basking in the compliments from colleagues about my meticulously planned meals would keep me on an emotional high. Little did they know, behind the façade of self-control was my constant struggle with low self-worth. The mere mention of a buffet or a birthday party invitation would trigger a wave of anxiety that hit me like a freight train.

Coupled with the biological changes in my body due to my concept of ‘clean eating’ as a strict list of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods, I didn’t trust myself around copious amounts of what I thought to be junk.

My meals out were stress-inducing situations, where the joy of the moment was often overshadowed by the looming fear of losing control. I couldn’t live in the present, often spiraling within my thoughts. I became obsessed with keeping my clean eating regiment perfect.

Initially, when I was able to stay adherent on sheer willpower, this created a sense of accomplishment and euphoria, reinforcing a belief that my clean eating streak was a testament of my unwavering self-control and success.

It didn’t help that people around me were celebrating dietary adherence as markers of virtue and discipline. “Well done, Mabel. I wish I could be like you.”

My dichotomous thinking that rigidly categorized foods as either ‘clean’ or ‘junk’ food worsened my anxiety and overwhelming fear of deviating from such guidelines. This pursuit of clean eating triggered a neurochemical dance - successful adherence activated my brain regions associated with reward and pleasure, releasing neurotransmitters such as dopamine (‘feel-good hormones’).

My food choices become intertwined with my sense of self. 

I felt like a champ when successfully adhering to the rules, and a colossal failure swamped by massive guilt and anxiety when I ate ‘crap’. I questioned why I seemed to lack willpower as time went by and the allure of pizza seemed harder and harder to resist.

The initial elation of clean eating transforms into a mental quagmire.

Temptations be doing us dirty. Stop teasing! Taken from IG: @aurafitnessllc

Little did I know that my body was biologically rejecting dieting. As a strict diet prolongs with no end in sight, the brain, wired to seek pleasure and avoid deprivation, responds to prolonged restriction with heightened cravings. My mental voice grew to become harsh and critical, a raging battleground in my mind – the very foods deemed as ‘guilty pleasures’ became magnetic to me, and consuming them evoked guilt, shame, and a sense of failure.

With every deviation, I cracked down harder on myself internally, trying to force my body and mind into compliance, causing continued mental and emotional distress. If only I had learnt about the importance of eating mindfully and staying in the present without strict demands on finding the ‘right’ or ‘perfect’ meals on a daily basis…

This would have allowed for long term adherence, which is a key principle to long term weight loss.

#5: Clean Eating Rigidity: Eating in Chains

Have you ever fallen for the alluring promises of a low-carb, high-fat life? I knew I did. In university, I had a brief fling with the keto diet, alongside Halle Berry, Lebron James, Megan Fox and Kourtney Kardashian.

At one point, I was nervously testing myself with keto pee strips every morning, ensuring that I was on track to melt off all every single ounce of my stored fat.

Initially, this high-fat, low-carb regimen yielded incredible results, and I reveled in my newfound weight loss. “Wow, this diet reaaally works! Like how it did for the Kardashians!”   Soon however, I realized I really couldn’t stand being at another birthday party staring longingly at a luscious triple-layer cake dripping with decadent dark chocolate ganache.

Plus, it was a pain to be searching for hidden carbs at every single meal, calculating frantically and wondering if I’d suddenly be catapulted out of ketosis by a few grams too many, gaining all the weight back.

When I tried to quit the keto diet, my limited nutritional understanding became apparent. The hardest part was grappling with the remnants of high-fat eating habits while attempting to reintroduce carbs. My body, accustomed to utilizing fats as a primary energy source, struggled to adapt to the sudden influx of carbs. My body’s metabolic machinery momentarily sputtered in confusion, causing physiological turmoil.

I remember seeing the needle on the weighing scale swing dramatically to the right once I started eating carbs again. I faced gastrointestinal discomfort whenever I ate rice, pasta or even fruits. I hated the gain in water weight, how I looked and felt so fat, bloated and ‘fluffy’.

This is how I thought I looked post-keto dieting. Michelin-man happy but fluffy.

What would have worked best while I tried to exit my keto experiment might have been a gradual approach. Instead of abruptly swinging from one extreme to another, I’d have recommended my old self to slowly reintroduce carbs while moderating fat intake, allowing my metabolism to recalibrate without the shock of a nutritional pendulum swing. But not everyone has the time, energy or knowledge to sieve through the overwhelming sea of information, researching to pre-empt ill effects of keto dieting and crafting an exit strategy.

I definitely didn’t when starting out.

When we start on a strict clean eating or dieting regime, the excitement gets to us. We don’t think about the consequences of starting a diet, only the quick, transformational results it promises. 

The difficulty of exiting fad diets, is often an unexplored topic. It isn’t as ‘sexy’ as proclaiming the success of starting a new regiment.

In my years of coaching, I have worked with countless of women facing the same struggles.

Everyone loves a sexy promise of a magical weight loss diet pill, but the formula for slow fat loss (even if it leads to long-term, sustained transformations) is less appealing.

Many struggle with a comprehensive grasp of nutritional basics such as the energy values of food, the importance of food quality beyond calories and calorie balance. This leaves them dependent on strict ingredient lists and constant need for external reassurance. This is why I never provide fixed meal plans but guide my clients through building their unique meals to suit their nutritional needs.

Though convenient, these dependencies can actually be a long-term hindrance to fat loss success, especially when you’re unable to adapt when life circumstances or goals change. 

Empowered Eating: Break Free From Restrictive Diets

Undoing the habits formed during a strict clean eating phase requires more than just willpower; it demands a deep dive into nutritional wisdom.

What helped me was learning not just the scientific principles of what food does for, to and within my physical body, but also the physiological, mental and emotional responses to dieting.

At the end of the day, we go through different seasons in life. My worth is no longer dependent on the number on my weighing scale, body fat percentage, and visible abs.

Fat loss and muscle gain can repeat themselves in multiple cycles of life. What remains constant is our quality of life, overall health and wellbeing. Instead of being tethered to fixed programs, you too can create flexible, sustainable strategies that evolve with your changing needs.

Mastering these took me years of expensive private coaching, complicated formal accreditations and repeated cycles of trial-and-error. 

But it doesn’t have to be the same for you.

I’ve condensed my lifelong knowledge and skills into a compact group coaching program meant to teach you how to implement a flexible approach to eating into your existing lifestyle habits in just 10 weeks! Chock-full of only the most essential principles of nutrition, free from fluff and complex scientific jargon. Master the whys and hows of a gentle approach to nutrition, rebuild a positive relationship with food, and free yourself from the chains of guilt and anxiety that comes from sticking to rigid dieting regimes.

Conducted virtually group, my coaching will reveal ALL the secrets in my holistic fat loss toolkit, equipping you with the skills to you to adapt eating habits intelligently to suit any phase of life.

Lean lifestyle habits are now within your reach in 2024!

Click here to enroll for early access to my Empowered Eating program~ (psst: pre-launch goodies!)

Let's break free from the shackles of clean eating's mental paradox. This involves recognizing the importance of balance, variety, and the holistic nourishment of both body, heart and mind. Join the AMFIT community today by keeping up to date with me on Instagram. If you'd love to work with a certified women's health and fitness coach, feel free to book a call and let's connect. For more holistic health and fitness tips, subscribe to my writing on Medium. Lastly, if you're a fellow fitness professional, I'd love to hear from you on LinkedIn!